#84 | What Walks Into the Room Before You Do?

Ever walk into a room already carrying the weight of trying to be perfect?

Whether it's a presentation, a difficult conversation, a job interview, or even a walk with your dog, the energy you bring into the moment often determines what comes out of it.

In this episode, Jennifer shares two powerful stories one from a coaching client preparing for an important workshop and another from an unexpected leadership lesson at dog boot camp—that reveal a truth every leader needs to hear: success has less to do with doing more and everything to do with how you show up.

You'll discover why chasing perfection drains your energy, how redefining success can completely change your experience, and why your greatest impact may come from simply planting one seed instead of trying to change every life in the room.

If you've been carrying the pressure to get everything right, this conversation will remind you to lead with intention instead of expectation—and may be exactly what you need to take a deep breath before your next big moment. 

Transcript

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Have you ever noticed that you can walk into the exact same room with the exact same people giving the exact same presentation and have two completely different experiences? One day you leave completely drained. The next day you leave wondering wait, was that actually fun? Same room, same audience, same person, different energy. And that changes everything. Today we're talking about one of the most overlooked leadership skills there is not communication, not confidence, not influence, how you show up. Because whether you realize it or not, you're teaching people how to experience you long before you ever say your first word. Welcome back to Lead with Swagger, the podcast where we get real, raw, and ridiculously honest about what it takes to lead with confidence, authenticity, and a whole lot of heart. I'm your host, Jennifer Sicolo. How you show up impacts everything you do. And today we're gonna prove it. I was speaking with a friend of mine the other day and she had a workshop coming up. Now, here's the interesting thing. She wasn't worried because she didn't know her material. She knew her stuff. She had prepared, she's capable. The stress wasn't about confidence, it was about perfection. She wanted every activity to land, every participant to be engaged, every question answered perfectly. She wanted everyone to walk away transformed. No, before we judge, can we just all admit that we've done this? Maybe not with a workshop, maybe it's a presentation, maybe it's Thanksgiving dinner, maybe it's hosting book club, maybe it's your kid's birthday party, or it's that meeting where you somehow convince yourself the future of civilization depends on your PowerPoint slides. It's amazing what our brains turn into Olympic level pressure. So I asked her, what if your goal isn't to change everyone's life? She looked at me. What if one person walks away with one idea that changes one thing? Silence. I said if one person leaves doing one thing differently, that's success. Then I reminded her of something I think every teacher, coach, speaker, leader, and honestly every parent needs to hear. We provide opportunities for learning. We don't control whether people use what they learn. That's their work, not ours. And then I shared something I believe with every fiber of my being. We don't always change lives. Sometimes we simply plant seeds. Have you ever planted a garden? You don't start yelling, grow. You know, wouldn't that be funny? Come on, tomato, I believe in you. That's not how seeds work. They grow when the conditions are right. And people, people are exactly the same. Sometimes something you say today doesn't click until, say, six months from now or even five years from now. And that's okay because your responsibility is planting, not forcing growth. Now I checked in with her following the workshop and asked, so how did it go? She smiled and she said something I'll never forget. She said, Normally I'm completely exhausted after these, but today, today I feel light. This was so much fun. And I asked, so what was different? Without hesitation, she said, I kept reminding myself, if people walk away with one thing, this is a huge success. That's it. Nothing about the audience changed, nothing about the agenda changed, nothing about her expertise changed. She changed how she showed up. Instead of carrying pressure, she carried purpose. Instead of trying to prove herself, she chose to serve. Instead of striving for perfection, she created space for possibility. And isn't that what leadership really is? Now, fast forward to this past weekend. I spent part of it at a dog boot camp with my dog Chance. Yes, dog boot camp. And before you ask, no, Chance was not doing burpees. Although honestly, he probably would have shown me up because he's such a superstar. Huge shout out to Jennifer Broom and the incredible team at QK Dogs. I mean, I absolutely love learning from people who are masters at what they do. Now, while we were there, I noticed something fascinating. Many people were walking with their dogs, looking down at them the entire time, watching every move, correcting every little thing, constantly checking in. What are they doing now? Can you guess what happened? The dogs pulled, ignored them, made their own decisions. Why? Well, if you're spending all your energy watching the follower, who's leading? The dog. Think about that. Imagine getting into your car, sitting in the driver's seat and saying, you know what? You decide where we're going today. I mean, that's ridiculous, right? Although, if you've ever followed GPS into a cornfield, then maybe it's not completely ridiculous. But here's the point leadership requires direction. When handlers lifted their heads, picked a destination, walked with intention, everything shifted. The dogs relaxed, they stopped trying to lead because they finally had a leader. You. And I couldn't help but think how often we do this in life. We're watching everyone else's reactions. Do they like me? Did they agree? Did they smile? Were they impressed? Did they email me back? Did they comment? Did they clap enough? Meanwhile, we've completely lost sight of where we're actually going. Leadership isn't obsessing over everyone else's behavior. Leadership is knowing your line of travel, walking it with confidence and inviting others to come with you. So let me ask you something. How are you showing up to that difficult conversation you've been avoiding, to that interview, that presentation, that board meeting, that conversation with your spouse or partner, your teenager, your aging parents? Are you walking in hoping everything goes okay? Or are you walking in with intention? Do you know what success actually looks like? Because here's another trap. We often never define success and then wonder why we don't feel successful. If success is everyone loves me, good luck with that. If success is no one disagrees, also a pretty impossible task. However, if success is I show up authentically, now we're getting somewhere. Maybe success is simply saying what needs to be said with kindness. Maybe it's listening better, maybe it's staying calm, maybe it's asking one courageous question, or maybe it's planting one seed, maybe it's helping one person. That's enough. So here's your swagger challenge, your homework for this week. I'd like for you to identify one situation you have coming up, whether it's a meeting, a conversation, a presentation, a family dinner, a networking event, anything. Before you walk into that moment, pause and ask yourself these three questions. How do I want to show up? What does success actually look like? What seed am I here to plant? That's it. Not how do I control everyone? Not how do I make everyone happy? Not how do I avoid making mistakes? Just those three questions. Then after it's over, don't evaluate whether everyone loved you. Evaluate whether you showed up the way you intended, because that's leadership. And the more consistently you practice it, the more naturally it becomes who you are. And one of the things I love most about growth is this: you don't have to become someone else. You simply have to become more intentional about the person you're already capable of being. Every conversation is practice, every meeting is practice, every awkward moment, practice, every success, practice, every setback, also practice. So keep showing up, keep learning, keep adjusting, keep planting seeds. One day you'll discover a forest groove from conversations you barely remembered having. Now, if today's episode gave you even one idea you'll carry into your next conversation, would you do something a little different? Instead of sharing this episode, think of one person who has something important coming up: a presentation, a difficult conversation, an interview, or even a big decision. Send it to them and say, I thought of you when I heard this. Those six words might plant a seed that neither of us ever gets to see grow. And honestly, I think that's pretty incredible. Until next time, remember this. You don't have to have all the answers. You don't have to be perfect, you don't have to carry the weight of changing everyone's life. You simply have to show up with courage, with intention, with heart. And from everything I've seen over the years, I know this about you. You are far more capable than your inner critic would ever have you believe. And the leader the world needs isn't waiting for you to become perfect. It's waiting for you to take the next intentional step. So keep showing up, keep doing the work. And yes, keep leading with swagger.