#75 | Practice Like You Mean It: The Humbling Truth About Growth

In this episode of Lead with Swagger, Jennifer Sukalo delivers a raw, witty, and deeply honest conversation about leadership growth, confidence, practice, and the unrealistic expectations many of us place on ourselves. After stepping back onto a fly fishing boat for the first time in two years, Jennifer quickly realized that confidence without consistent practice can leave even the most capable people humbled, tangled up, and frustrated.

Using humor, relatable stories, and practical leadership insight, Jennifer explores why so many leaders expect excellence without intentionally developing the skills required to lead well. From communication and emotional intelligence to boundaries, feedback, and staying calm under pressure, this episode unpacks the powerful truth that mastery is never accidental. It is built through repetition, reflection, humility, and consistent intentional practice.

Jennifer also dives into the difference between treating something like a hobby versus pursuing true mastery, why our calendars reveal our real priorities, and how many leaders spend most of their time performing while doing very little actual skill development. If you have ever found yourself saying, “I don’t have time,” “I should be better at this by now,” or “Why does this still feel so hard?” this episode will challenge you to rethink the way you approach personal growth and leadership development.

Packed with humor, heart, practical leadership exercises, and empowering perspective shifts, this episode is a powerful reminder that growth does not happen by accident. Leadership is not about pretending to have it all together. It is about practicing intentionally, staying humble enough to learn, and becoming the kind of leader who consistently puts in the reps required for real transformation.

Ready to level up your leadership? Visit https://leadwithswagger.com/ and start leading with confidence, clarity, and authenticity.

Transcript

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Have you ever been wildly offended by your own lack of skill? Like deeply confused that reality did not match the movie playing in your head. You show up thinking, well, I've done this before, I've got this. And then five minutes later, you're standing there, humbled, slightly tangled, mildly irritated, and wondering if your confidence filed a false report. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Because sometimes the most honest moment in growth is realizing that you aren't bad because you're broken. You're bad because you haven't practiced. And friend, let me tell you, that is not failure. That is feedback. Welcome back to Lead with Swagger, the podcast where we get real, raw, and ridiculously honest about what it takes to lead with confidence, authenticity, and a whole lot of heart. I'm your host, Jennifer Socallo, and today we're talking about humility, or maybe expectations, or maybe that awkward little meeting point where your ego says, you should be amazing at this, and your actual skill set says, um, excuse me, ma'am, based on what? Yes, we're going there today. Because if you want to be good, really good, or even great at anything, there is one annoyingly simple truth we cannot outrun. You have to practice. I know. Revolutionary, alert the press, but seriously, this matters more than we think, especially in leadership. So let me tell you what sparked this whole thing. I had not been fly fishing for two years, two years. And somehow in my mind, I expected to walk out onto the bow of that boat and magically remember how to cast, how to manage my line, how to move like I knew what I was doing, and basically become a fly fishing genius in about seven minutes. I mean, why not, right? Except, uh, no, absolutely not. What actually happened was far less cinematic. It was humbling. And I'm pretty sure the fish were laughing at me underwater. Because the body forgets, the rhythm gets rusty, the mechanics matter, the feel of it matters, the line management matters, timing matters, practice matters. And there I was, apparently expecting my muscle memory to rise from the dead and perform a miracle. That's the thing about unrealistic expectations. They sound very convincing in your head, they feel reasonable right up until reality taps you on the shoulder and says, Sweetheart, when exactly did you put in the reps? That moment taught me something simple but powerful. If you want to be good or great at something, you have to make it a priority. You have to dedicate time to it, you have to commit to developing the skill, you have to work toward mastery, not wish toward mastery, not vibe toward mastery, not hope and positive, think your way into mastery. No, you have to practice. Now, let's be fair. Not everything in life needs to become a mastery mission. Some things are allowed to be hobbies, some things are allowed to be just fun, some things are allowed to be entertainment, joy, laughter, fresh air, and I'm just happy to be here. That's where golf lives for me these days. I enjoy being outside, I enjoy being in nature, I enjoy hitting the ball. Notice I did not say I enjoy hitting the ball well. Let's not get carried away here. But I don't even keep score anymore. Why? Because I don't play enough to think I should be remotely good at it. And honestly, that's been freeing. Because when I stopped pretending I was out there training for the masters, I could just enjoy the day, I could laugh, I could relax, I could hit a terrible shot into the next zip code and not assign some deep moral meaning to it. Here's the point. If something is a hobby, let it be a hobby. Release the pressure to perform. But if something matters deeply to you, if you desire excellence, impact, consistency, confidence, mastery, then you have to treat it differently. You don't get to call something important and then never practice it. That's where so many of us get stuck. We desire mastery results from hobby-level commitment. And those two things do not match. This all comes down to choices. We have a limited amount of time, every one of us. And whether we like it or not, our actions reveal our priorities, not our intentions, not our vision board, not the speech we gave ourselves in the car on Monday morning. Our actions. Responsibilities are real. Exhaustion, it's real. I'm not dismissing any of that. But still, the truth stands. We make time for what we have decided matters. And if something consistently stays at the bottom of the list, that tells us something. It doesn't mean you're lazy, it doesn't mean you don't care, but it does mean your current choices are telling a story. And one of the first acts of honest leadership is being willing to hear the story your life is already telling. Here's what too often gets pushed to the bottom of the list: our growth and development. We say we want to lead better. We'd like to communicate better. We say we'd like more confidence, better boundaries, stronger teams, more emotional intelligence, more presence, more impact. And then we spend almost all of our time using those skills in real time without actually practicing them. That's like deciding you want to be a stronger runner by only signing up for the races and never training. It makes no sense. And yet, that's exactly how many leaders live. Now think about elite athletes for a second. How much time do they spend practicing versus performing? A lot. Depending on the sport, the majority of their time is spent practicing, drilling, reviewing, refining, recovering, and building capacity. Performance is only a fraction of the equation. Now compare that to leadership. What do leaders do? Meeting, decision, conversation, presentation, conflict, coaching, crisis, email, expectation, pressure, repeat. We spend the majority of our time performing. And then we expect to be excellent. We expect to know what to say in hard conversations. We expect to stay calm under pressure. We expect to inspire trust. We expect to communicate clearly. We expect to coach well. We expect to lead people through uncertainty. We expect to build healthy cultures. All while while doing almost no intentional practice. That's like grabbing a fly rod after two years and being shocked that the cast looks like interpretive dance. Of course, it feels clunky. Of course, it feels awkward. Of course, you don't feel masterful. You haven't had enough reps. You haven't practiced. And this is where leadership gets especially real. Because the golf ball may not care if you're pretending. The fish, though? The fish know when you're faking it. And so do the people you lead. People can feel the difference between practiced presence and performative confidence. They can feel when your words are polished, but your leadership is underdeveloped. They can feel when you're borrowing phrases instead of building skill. They can feel it when you're trying to look steady instead of becoming steady. That doesn't mean you need to be perfect, not even close. But it does mean leadership is not a role you play. It's a set of skills you develop. And development requires practice. Not just pressure, not just experience, not just years on the job. Practice. Intentional, honest, sometimes messy, deeply humbling practice. And this is the part I would really like you to hear. If you are listening to this right now, then you are already doing something many people will never choose to do. You are making time for your growth. Even if it's just a few minutes, even if you're listening while folding laundry, driving to work, hiding from people in your car, or pretending you need just one more minute in the grocery store parking lot. You're here. And that matters. It tells me you care. It tells me you're intentional. It tells me you're not content to just coast. It tells me you desire growth. And it tells me you are willing to do the work. And I need you to know this. I am so proud of you, truly. I'm proud of you for showing up. I'm proud of you for listening. I am proud of you for doing the work no one claps for right away. I'm proud of you for choosing growth in a world that rewards image. I'm proud of you for staying teachable, coachable. And I believe in you. I believe in you in a steady, certain, unmoving way. Even if you cannot fully see your growth yet, it is still there. Even if your casting is off, your swing is wild, your words come out sideways, and your confidence feels a little duct taped together right now. I still believe in who you are becoming. Not because you're magically amazing at everything, but because you are willing to practice. And people who are willing to practice become dangerous in the best possible way. So let's make this practical. What does leadership practice actually look like? Because it's not always obvious. Practice is not just attending another meeting and hoping you improve through exposure. Practice might look like rehearsing a hard conversation before you have it. Writing down three points you'd like to make so you communicate clearly. Reflecting after a meeting and asking what worked, what didn't. Asking for feedback and resisting the urge to defend yourself. Role-playing a coaching conversation, setting a timer and practicing listening without interrupting. Preparing how you'd like to respond under pressure instead of just winging it. Reading, learning, journaling, reviewing, adjusting. Doing one small rep on one skill over and over again until it becomes part of you. That is practice. And no, it's not always glamorous. Practice is rarely sexy. Performance gets applause. Practice gets repetition. But practice is rare, the real transformation happens. Okay, so here is your challenge for this week. Not a giant life overhaul, not a dramatic reinvention montage, just real doable practice. Step one: pick one leadership skill. Choose one overachievers, not twelve, one. Might be listening, giving feedback, delegating, setting boundaries, running meetings, staying calm under pressure. Pick one that would make the biggest difference for you right now. Step two, decide if this is a hobby or mastery area. Ask yourself, do I want to casually dabble in this? Or do I actually want to get good at it? Be honest. If it matters, treat it like it matters. Step three. Schedule 20 minutes of practice. Put it in your calendar this week. Not if I get time, not maybe Friday, not sometimes after things calm down because we both know that magical day is not coming. Schedule it. What gets scheduled gets done. 20 minutes, one skill, one focused rep. Step four, practice before the performance. Before your next important leadership moment, do a rehearsal. If you need to give feedback, practice the opening sentence. If you need to lead a meeting, practice the first two minutes. If you need to set a boundary, say the words out loud before the moment arrives. Don't wait until the stage is live to discover your material. Step five, debrief with honesty. Afterward, ask yourself, what did I do well? Where did I get tangled? What will I do differently next time? No shame, no judgment, no spiraling, just data. And step six, prove your priorities with one visible action. If growth matters, let your calendar show it. Block recurring time for development. Read one chapter, listen to one episode and take notes. Ask one mentor one good question. Have one intentional reflection session. Let your actions stop whispering and start speaking clearly. Here's the truth. Humility is not your enemy. Humility is what clears the fog. It lets you stop pretending. It helps you release unrealistic expectations. It reminds you that being unpolished doesn't mean being incapable. It gives you permission to be a beginner again. And it calls you back to the only path that actually works. Practice. So if you've been frustrated that you're not better yet, maybe the question is not what's wrong with me. Maybe the better question is, have I given this the practice it deserves? Because the golf ball is not going to fly effortlessly to the hole. The fish know when you're faking it, and so do the people you lead. Life is all about choices. So just decide what matters to you. Then make time for it. Practice it, respect it, work it, repeat it, and let yourself become the kind of leader who doesn't just perform leadership, but actually lives it. Now, if this episode hit you right in the pride, the planner, or the neglected personal development folder in your brain, here's what I'd like you to do. Don't just share this podcast with everyone. Send it to one person who is all heart, all potential, and maybe just a little tangled in their line right now. Text it to them with these words. This made me think of you, not because you need fixing, because you're worth the practice. And if this podcast keeps meeting you where you are, make a little pact with it. Follow the show so these conversations keep showing up in your week like the honest friend who loves you too much to let you fake your way through growth. Until next time, keep showing up. Keep practicing, keep choosing what matters, and keep leading with swagger.